What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 01:19
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I don,t even have a pension.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My life is so biszare .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why do you think it is bad to allow people to self-identify as a different gender?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But ive been too sick for many years..
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As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
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I think the readers, may guess!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why do narcissists and especially covert narcissists always play the victim?
I said to her
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
When she asked me how she looked .
When a narcissist mad at their new supply, do they take it out on the old supply?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He knew the spot.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why do men suck dick? Me, I can't get enough
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Are you afraid to get married and why?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She wouldn,t have been !
What is the sluttiest thing your wife has ever done?
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is soul school!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Put me off passion for life!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im still living with it.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She married twice! .
Who then, do I blame.?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And i lived it daily.
I was scared of men, in general
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
(And it was in our own minds.)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One cannot live in the past .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I have no regrets .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why did i forgive my father ?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But it wasn’t much.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was 9 years of age.
Ive learnt so much.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I waited trembling.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
All the time i was locked up.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We all went to grammer schools
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
What did i know ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She found it foreign!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So whats the point in blame.
I will be 64.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My family never makes their pension either.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
It was going to be , some day.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She was in good health!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Would this be the day?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I write beautiful poetry .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But, we were locked up after school.
Comes on , in middle age.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So, i spoilt her more .
I was seconnd youngest,
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I couldn’t, believe it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She loved him until the end.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We were not on the streets..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was very sick at this time too.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Especially a lifetime of it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I could never make a relationship work though!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only rule us 5 kids had .